Self-Image: Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Yourself and Dance
By Brea Rittel, DWC Blog Contributor
Mental health and self-image have been a struggle for nearly every dancer I have met. The dance industry, along with many others, wasn’t built with the health of the dancers in mind. I have witnessed dancers battle with body dysmorphia, negative self-talk, and especially maintaining a healthy amount of self-care. I have been dancing for the last fifteen years of my life. I have watched so much talent and passion washed out of my peers simply because they burnt out. Kids who could have had a professional dance career, or at the very least maintained a love for the art, didn’t because it came down to choosing between their health and well-being, or dance. Most styles of dance actively encourage a perfectionist mindset, but especially ballet. Ballet is such a beautiful style, but it can be so stifling, and stuck in outdated traditions. Ballerinas were one skin color, one body type, and forced into a mold almost no one realistically fit inside. While there has been some improvement, there is still so much to address. Even now, as a dancer studying in the modern world, these pressures still have a profound impact on me and my health. When I was younger I was told “Don’t show your lunch,” and “Your legs are too big to be a dancer”, at one point I was even told that I would never be able to make it as a dancer because I just wasn’t “made for the ballet”, so I should just give up on any professional aspirations. Now, I find myself constantly unsatisfied with, not just my dancing, but everything I do in a day. My grades are never high enough, I am never happy with my sketches, and even my relationships suffer from my micromanaging tendencies, all of which stem from dance deeply implementing a belief that I will never be good enough into my brain from a young age. I want to pursue dance after high school, but I constantly battle with myself in deciding if it is even possible for me, since I don’t fit the standard. And I’m not alone in this battle, so many struggle with negative self-image as a result of growing up in dance.
Growing up in the age of the internet added a whole new element to this problem that is rarely addressed. I recently had a conversation with a dance teacher only 10 years older than me, and she pointed out that even when she was a kid there wasn’t the same widespread use of technology as there was when I was growing up. And it is only increasing for younger generations. My teacher believes that, for instructors, this changes what the students need from them in a class. I know as a student currently, I find it much easier to work with teachers who still treat me like a person beyond being their student. This can be as simple as not making derogatory comments about my intelligence when giving a correction, or asking before giving any tactile feedback. We now have constant access to other dancers on the internet, she pointed out. From professionals to child prodigies, all we see are these filtered versions of amazing dancers. Seemingly perfect in every way. While this can be a wonderful tool, it is impossible not to compare yourself. Social media algorithms make a profit off of our comparisons. The more time spent on the app, spiraling, the more engagement they're getting. So, they shove as much content in our faces as possible at all times. Because dancers tend to see the worst in themselves, and the best in others, we see them at their best and instinctually compare it to ourselves at our worst. It can be incredibly discouraging to constantly feel like you aren’t measuring up to that level of perfection. It is helpful to remember that dance, like almost everything else on the internet, isn’t always real. What we see posted is likely not the first time they attempted that video or picture, in the same way that we don’t always nail our turns or leaps immediately. It can be incredibly hard to pull yourself out of the mindset that you are worth less as a dancer than the people you see on social media, but it is important to remember that they are real people too. They have bad days too. They fall out of single pirouettes, miss a step in a dance, or catch themselves sickling their feet too. No matter how much social media gives us a false idea of perfection in the world, it will never be the case for anyone, including dancers.
The struggle with self-talk is so much more complex than most people give it credit for. Striking a balance between self-correcting and still maintaining a generally confident mindset. Having the ability to recognize your own mistakes without the thoughts becoming unproductively negative is a learned skill. For years I was told to just be positive as if it is that simple. I would express my frustrations with my dancing only to be greeted with comments like “We only do self-positivity here” from my peers, which never actually helped me not be negative, it just furthered my frustration because being positive about myself seemed impossible in the moment, and harmed my relationships with the people around me. It constantly made me feel like there was something wrong with me for not being able to be content with myself, the result being the worsening of my already poor self-talk. One of the best bits of advice I have ever received was to live in a neutral state of self-talk. For the longest time, I almost always lived in a state of self-resentment because I could never be as good of a dancer as I wanted, and the idea of trying to completely shut that down and move to a place of constant self-love was too overwhelming for me to even make an effort towards improvement at all. To me, it was a losing battle, so what was the point? When a teacher suggested shifting to a neutral place it seemed much like a more manageable leap (pun intended). This means instead of saying I am a terrible dancer every time I have a bad day, acknowledging that it was just that, a bad day. Instead of saying things like “I will never be a good enough dancer”, make goals about it. The key is recognizing the improvement. This has helped me get to a place where, while I still see my flaws and want them to go away, I can address them in a much healthier way more frequently.
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One last thing many dancers, including myself, have struggled with, is taking care of ourselves. I have spent the last 6 years of my life nursing an achilles injury that wouldn’t be nearly as much of a problem as it is if I had just taken care of it initially… or the second time… or this time… or any of the times in between. The reason I haven’t is something I’m sure many people relate to, I just don’t want to “waste my time” taking a break. I don’t want to fall behind my peers. Most people I know say things along the lines of “Oh well, I’ll just suck it up, it’ll go away eventually”, which hardly ever happens. Problems need to be addressed, whether mental or physical. The topic of mental health days is often a subject of debate for people, but taking care of your mental state can’t be ignored. Not just for the dancer's state, but their peers, coworkers, instructors, and choreographers are all impacted as well. Don’t get me wrong, dance classroom attendance is NOT optional. If you are simply not having the best day, or something is a little off, showing up and not being one hundred percent for one day is absolutely fine. Nobody is completely on it all the time. Showing up in a state that is so negative that it is detrimental to yourself and others is not, though. If you need a rest day because you are too overwhelmed, burnt out, anxious, or a host of other reasons it is okay to take a day off. What matters most is how you spend it. You could spend it eating chips and binge-watching random shows (though an occasional lazy day won't kill you, that can be saved for weekends and days off, it wouldn’t be effective for a mental health day), or you could spend it refueling your body. Spending time in nature, drinking lots of water, eating foods with nutritional value, sleeping, and of course doing things you enjoy, whatever you find works for you will leave you feeling more prepared for the next day than the first option. It won't make the feelings go away, but you will find yourself more refreshed and capable. The key to this is a healthy, honest relationship with your peers and coworkers in which you can communicate your needs without judgment or ridicule.
Along with that, generally eating enough, sleeping enough, and drinking enough water are so important to being a healthy dancer. It only hurts you more to not meet your body’s needs. You won't dance at your best, you won't be in your best mental state, and you won't feel good at all. Also, finding time for you to maintain relationships inside and outside of dance is not optional. Humans biologically need communication, so healthy relationships are a necessity to continue moving your health in a positive direction. It is so hard to maintain positive relationships with yourself and dance at the same time, but having a healthier mindset will help so drastically. Your dancing will improve and you will just feel so much better generally. I know taking baby steps towards everything I have talked about has helped me so much in the last year alone. Now, I am going into a summer of intensives, my senior year next year, and then adulthood feeling better about my dancing, healthier, and more self-aware than I ever have before. I encourage you to take a small step towards self-care, nothing major, just having snacks in your car or being intentional about spending time outdoors more. Even if the change isn’t major it opens the door for growth.
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