Practicing Self-Compassion: The Ultimate Gift For Ourselves #mentalhealthawareness
May is Mental Health Awareness Month! In this series, we are giving the staff here at DWC a platform to talk about their personal mental health journeys. We believe in supporting the wellbeing of the whole dancer; both body and mind. We want you to know that you are not alone. We believe in the importance of talking about mental health openly, especially within the dance world. So let’s talk about it!
In this article, Madison shares her words of wisdom regarding positive self image and practicing self compassion.
This global pandemic has instilled confusion, worry, and anxiety in people around the globe. From being separated from our loved ones, to breaking our comfortable daily routines, this transition to a “new normal” is unsettling to say the least. And while it may be temporary, it’s worth addressing that it can feel distressing: and that is okay. Although we all have school, work, and familial obligations, it is important to find time for ourselves to engage in healthful activities that bring us more in touch with our emotions. In other words, there hasn’t been a more important time for many of us to practice self- compassion.
Self-compassion doesn’t mean attempting to modify our surroundings or actively trying to control what is out of our hands. Self-compassion means paying attention to our internal emotions and welcoming them as they are. We live in a world that places value on those who can effortlessly push through their negative emotions and output as much productive work as possible, which is a difficult standard to live up to. In order to live the most productive and happy lives that we can, slowing down to give ourselves compassion is necessary. But learning to do this takes time, patience, and practice, especially if you are a self-proclaimed perfectionist. Samantha Weissbach Williams, director of operations at Dancewear Center, says that “ever since [she] can remember, [she has] been at war with [her] very harsh and strongly-opinionated inner-critic.” Like many of us, Samantha had “developed an incredibly high (borderline impossible) set of standards for herself,” and any failure she experienced “would absolutely consume” her. Anything from things she “said in conversation” to “flubs in class combinations” would keep her up at night. She had undergone decades of classical ballet training and had a burning desire to “please, impress, and care for people and their desires.”
However, a big shift occurred for Samantha when she began “changing the tone of [her] self-talk.” On one occasion, Samantha’s good friend and dancing peer CarliAnn Forthun Bruner said in response to one of their dancers putting themselves down, “Hey! Don’t talk to my friend like that! She’s awesome!” It was a simple comment, but powerful. Samantha thought to herself “what if we gave the same amount of grace to ourselves that we gave to our closest friends?” After years of practice, Samantha is finally able to “exercise self-compassion and enjoy the process of personal growth in dance (and life in general).” Nowadays, when she makes a choice that results in an unfavorable outcome, she is able to “analyze without judgement” and “make note of what needs to be different moving forward.”
Self-compassion for many of us is an ongoing process that can never truly reach perfection. We can all constantly improve how we take care of our minds and bodies, but this can begin with having positive self-talk. Whether we notice it or not, the way we think and speak about ourselves largely affects how we perceive ourselves. Actively giving yourself positive affirmations is a great way to practice this healthily. Whether you think them in your head, speak them aloud, or writie them down, stimulating enough positive thoughts about yourself will allow you to believe in them yourself. Another big key to self-compassion is simply self-awareness. Effective self- awareness involves recognizing how you’re feeling and accepting those emotions as they are without judgement. Dancewear Center’s social media director Cherie Rendon says that for her, “self-compassion starts with observation.” She likes to do a “journaling exercise in the morning” each day, in which she observes how she is feeling “mentally, physically, and spiritually.” When Cherie journals, it’s important that she’s honest with herself and does not place judgement on how she’s feeling, because “self-compassion is about meeting yourself in the moment and allowing your body and mind to ride the wave.” Whether it’s in the morning, evening, or throughout the day, journaling is a great tool you can use to identify the source of your emotions and learn to respect them. It’s often helpful to imagine emotions as waves passing by. As emotions pass through you, they can often feel intense, but like a wave they are merely temporary. Eventually, waves will dissipate as they hit the shore; and similarly, your emotions won’t last forever. Whether you imagine them as waves, clouds, or cars passing by, imagining your intense emotions as objects or experiences in motion can make them feel a lot more manageable and momentary.
But when you are feeling overwhelmed with strenuous emotions and finding it difficult to cope with them in the moment, a self-compassion strategy that can be extremely helpful is mindfulness. When life starts to feel overly hectic or stressful, it is useful to take a break from what you are doing to focus on your breathing and tap into your senses. It helps to close your eyes and take deep, slow breaths, inhaling for four seconds and exhaling for four seconds. As you breathe, you may even pay attention to what you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste around you. This can allow you to feel more grounded after feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and stress. We live in an extremely fast-paced world, and it can be tempting to want to push through all of the tasks on our to-do list and get as much completed as we can as quickly as possible. However, sometimes the most productive thing we can do for our body and mind is simply take a break. Through practicing mindfulness, intentional breathing, and positive visualization, you can quickly take a break from your work to pay attention to your own mental and physical presence. Afterwards, you will feel mentally and physically refreshed and likely able to perform daily tasks more effectively.
Taking breaks to practice mindfulness is not the only way to exercise self- compassion, it’s also important to take breaks from your routine to do other activities that bring you joy. Whether it’s temporarily stopping your homework to take an online ballet class, cooking yourself a nice meal, or calling your friends to catch up, find the activities that make you happiest and find ways to sprinkle them throughout your weekly routines. We are living through an unprecedented period, which can obviously place an abundance of stress and uncertainty on our lives. All of this stress is made more complicated when we create unrealistic standards for ourselves to live up to. But just because you may have more free time, doesn’t mean you need to channel it all into your school, dance, or work obligations. Take time to fill yourself up with the self- compassion you need, through positive self-talk, journaling, mindfulness, and more. Soon enough, self-compassion will be a habitual part of your daily routine, and your mind and body will thank you.