The Benefits of Nurturing Passions Besides Dance
A Story of a Dancer’s Road to Recover
By Anna Nelson, DWC Ambassador
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In ballet, I have struggled with confidence. I always felt unworthy and inferior to everyone. Being considered a late starter, I always had the feeling that I was constantly playing “catch-up” when it came to my peers. I spent too many years at my first ballet studio, receiving bad training and abuse from my teacher who always made me feel like I would never amount to anything as a dancer. These feelings of inadequacy negatively impacted my attitude towards dance and also contributed to my low self-esteem. I always felt something was holding me back from dancing my best. It wasn’t until I underwent a major surgery that I came back to professional ballet with a newfound confidence and a greater passion for the art form.
In 2018, during a guest performance of the Sugar Plum Fairy in The Nutcracker. I felt a sharp pain in my hip while doing a developpe a la seconde into a fouette arabesque on stage. Thanks to that fateful moment on stage, I realized I needed to go to the doctor. Years prior, I had brought up that I had some hip pain and constant clicking in my hip to my doctor, but was told that it was arthritis, and the only thing that could be done was to make sure I keep my hip warm before dancing. I accepted that diagnosis and made sure to wear extra warm-ups while taking class for years, until my hip pain progressed to the point of me not being able to walk after waking up in the morning.
Fast forward to the fall of 2020. I had been diagnosed with bilateral hip dysplasia by a hip specialist and was told the only surgery that would help my pain long-term, as well as prevent me from having to get a hip replacement by the age of 35 would be to undergo a procedure known as a Periacetabular Osteotomy, or PAO for short. This would be a major surgery that would require five days in the hospital and six to eight months of physical therapy. I was told that I would most likely be able to dance again, but at a “modified” level. This horrified me, but the amount of pain I was in daily and the fear of having an artificial hip joint so young in life, led me to my decision to undergo the operation.
The recovery process was definitely the hardest physical struggle I have endured in my life. I was on crutches for 2 months, which led me to be completely dependent on my husband who, at the time, was working 14 hour days as an infantry reconnaissance platoon leader in the Army. I remember feeling frustrated many times because I was unable to do simple tasks, like washing the dishes, because putting all my weight on one leg for more than a few minutes was unbearable. The most difficult aspect of recovery for me, was that I was completely banned from doing any physical activities to allow my hip bone to heal without bending the screws. Even though during this time I had put professional dancing on the back burner and was focused on completing my degree, I would try to make it to as many ballet and fitness classes that my busy academic schedule would allow. Moving my body and exercising made me feel great and relieved a lot of the daily stressors in life. That was all taken away from me and I needed to divert my energy into something else that would allow me to feel fulfilled. It was during this time I was grateful that I was currently in school and had grown so many interests outside of dance. I had to remind myself of the difficult things I had already accomplished in my life, and I also needed to accept the reality that I may not ever be able to dance at the level I was dancing at before again. I placed all my passion and energy into studying at my final year of University, I rediscovered my love of reading, I grew my faith in God and I also learned how to give myself grace and be patient with my healing journey.
I remembered when I was a pre-professional ballet student, my entire identity was rooted in the fact that I was a ballet dancer. I had put all my energy into dance. I never took the time to develop friendships, I never attended homecoming or prom, I switched to online high school my junior year, all so that I could focus on my ballet training. If I had this surgery back then, I don’t think I could have handled it.
After six months of physical therapy, I began taking a ballet class for my last elective credits over zoom at the University of Washington. As the months progressed, I began taking ballet classes at local studios and gaining my physical strength back. Upon graduation from UW, I increased my ballet training significantly. I began to feel like I had control of my body again. The confidence I gained from receiving my degree in a difficult, competitive major at a top university gave me the confidence to “test out” my new hip in a professional ballet setting. I took a company class at Olympic Ballet Theatre and was offered a position. Immediately, I began rehearsals for the Nutcracker and went on to perform 13 shows about one month later. Although a major injury or surgery seems like a negative setback, I challenge you to reconsider. Perhaps just what you need to improve your dancing is to step away completely and nurture other passions or interests. The confidence you may gain from excelling in other areas in life or learning a new skill could be just what you need to improve and increase your confidence in dance.
Sources:
https://www.hss.edu/conditions_Periacetabular-Osteotomy-PAO.asp
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